Boston: sacred space

Today's bombing at the finish line of the Boston marathon has struck a VERY personal chord inside of me. My heart is weeping and shaking and I've accepted this is a good thing. It's a bit strange.

The World Trade Center and other attacks of 9-11, the various school shootings, the shopping mall bombings, etc--violence has been a part of my life as something I see on the news as something to happening to other people in a far off place. Today is different.

In just a few months, I'm supposed to be moving to Boston. And I'm just 6 minutes away from qualifying to run the Boston marathon. Even if I wasn't close to a BQ time, it would still hit home simply because I am a marathon runner and I see the finish line as one of the most sacred spaces I've ever experienced.

The marathon finish line is joy and success and a window and fullness and emptiness and sharing and greeting and so much more. The finish line is met by weary feet and willing, proud hearts. The space around the finish line is one reserved for smiles or success and tears of joy and focus.

Today someone tried to blow that away 

and I feel personally attacked

because the marathon finish is my sacred space too

I just ran a marathon last weekend and never ever would have thought there would even be the slightest possibility that my parents and grandparents standing on the side could be in danger. That shouldn't have to change. 

When I grow up...

While making dinner and socializing with some friends a few weeks ago, the question arose: if you could be/do anything (career-wise) what would you do?

In typical fashion the man who had this question asked of him replied, "hands down, I'd be an astronaut." And my thought, immediately, was, well then why aren't you trying to be an astronaut? Why aren't you somehow linking your career to the space-exploration industry? Why on earth, if that is your "hands down!" passion, are you studying theology and ministry?

To have a dream that just sits there seems absolutely pointless and ultimately sad. Dreams are meant to be chased after not just pondered on a lazy Saturday afternoon. The passion of a dream should ignite within you a flame so powerful, it touches every aspect of your being. 

I stood there, cutting broccoli and thinking of my answer. Honestly, I can say I want, more than anything, to be a therapist. That's my dream job. No, it's not sparkily and fun, In fact, it promises to be dark and mysterious at times...but those shadowy experiences lead to an awakening of the self with which no space mission can compete. I can imagine doing other things but I cannot imagine feeling the passion I feel toward providing therapy toward any other career. 

And I was happy.

In fact, I felt a sense of relief in my answer. I felt validation that I was doing what I needed to be doing to follow my dream. 

Not all dreams have to be so big and lofty they are unreachable. 

Confession: I'm an addict

If you know me beyond name, favorite color, and undergraduate major, you know I have a very addictive personality. Reframe it however you want: determination, commitment, dedication, passion, etc. When it comes down to it, I'm an addict.

For the doubters out there:

• in late January 2012, I began training for my first half marathon at the rate of ...I couldn't run a mile and in November 2012 I ran my first full marathon.
• while training for the full marathon, I got a stress fracture in my foot...and kept running. There were many reasons, among which was "it's what I do, I run."
• my favorite color is yellow--have you seen my bedroom and wardrobe?
• from February 2012 until about October 2012, the only cereal I ate was Panda Puffs. Now I'm on a Rice Chex sprinkled with coconut kick.
• come look at my bookshelf and you'll know exactly what four topics I've focused the majority of my research on.
• I chew every bite in some multiple of seven.
• Disney, need I elaborate?

True, I don't stress about when I'm going to score my next hit or if I'm going to have enough time to sober up before going to work in the morning or how I'll have enough money to buy food for the week after my cigarettes. But I latch on to things I like, things that are useful, things that make sense and hold on for dear life. That's addiction.

I'm a Brene Brown addict.

You haven't heard of her/her work??!!?!! Well, until late October, I hadn't either. Since then I've read each of her three books twice, watched her on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, and become a follower of her blog: Ordinary Courage. No big deal.

Big deal!

She's a shame, vulnerability, fear, trust, courage, authenticity guru. She's a social work professor at the University of Houston and calls herself a 'researcher storyteller' because she believes "stories are just data with a soul" and her work brings that to life.

It all started when a professor shared Brene's first TEDtalk with us last October.

Within just a few minutes of engaging the video, I was hooked. If you didn't watch it, WATCH IT. That's all I'm saying here by exposing my addiction. Please watch it and let it change the way you live and love and walk through this messy beautiful world.

Everything is as it should be

Everything is as it is.
Therefore everything is as it should be.
Because everything should be exactly as it is.
That is not to say, perfection.
But, rather, compassion.

Everything it as it is right now.
And nothing can be anything else right now.
That which was, is.
And that which is, is.

Change is possible in the future.
Your right now determines your later.
And everything that is then will be as it should be.
That is not to say, happy, joyful, or unhurt.
But, rather, a culmination of life.

Stop wishing right now was different.
Because everything is how it should be.
That is not to say everything happens for a reason
Or that you deserve the sad, lonely, painful, hurt.
But, rather, it is part of life, your life.
Accept it.
Grow with it.
Go forward with it.

If it could have been different, it would have been different.