practice, practice, practice PATIENTLY

Let me join the rest of the cyber-world in wishing you a very

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And now let me tell you my thoughts about this hyped-up time.

SCREW RESOLUTIONS.

I know I'm not the only one who thinks this, but I'm going to say it: I don't think I've ever actually fulfilled any of my new year's resolutions. EVER. Yeah, sure, I'm young, but in all reality, resolutions set us up for failure. Resolutions are  black & white. Resolutions are either kept or they're not. You either fulfill what you resolve to do/be/see/etc or you fail. 

From 10:30 on New Year's Eve until midnight, I participated in my Bikram yoga studio's  silent, candle-lit class to say goodbye to 2012 and welcome 2013 in peace. Bikram yoga is a set of 26 yoga postures practiced in unison in a room heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity. That is to say, it is intense...then turn off the lights, light some candles, and remove the instructor and shoot dang! you've never witnessed anything like this before. 

For 90 minutes, the only words we heard were "start" when we were to begin a posture and "change"when we were to release. 

START

CHANGE

START

CHANGE

START

CHANGE

Yoga is a practice of the present. It's not something you ever master. It's not something you ever cannot do. It's not something that is ever the same one day to the next. We come to the room and practice. We practice challenging our bodies and and practice being kind to our bodies. We practice mindfulness of the moment and practice letting go. And when we drift from the view of our goal, we reign ourselves back in. 

This year, I resolve to PRACTICE.

I'm not going to promise any results will be accomplished.

Instead of kicking myself around the moment I fail, I will change and start again. This is called resilience. I will start and change and start and change and start and change and I will probably fail to keep this mindset but the beauty of my promise to practice is that falling short is not just okay, it's necessary. 

So while I check off the January days of watching people come in the the gym once or twice because they've superglued themselves into a straightjacket of fitness or whatever other "resolutions" people have made, I will walk forward and practice getting back up each time I fall. 

Take that!

It's new year's yoga style.

#WORSTnightmareEVER

yep.

that's a stability boot.

yep.

for real.

NO!

I'M NOT OKAY.

I have a marathon to run in less than three weeks and thought I was being a good girl by going to the doctor, but what do they give me for my efforts to be healthy???? A STABILITY BOOT and a request that I "take it easy" and not run. Clearly, the doctor didn't know me and clearly he's not a marathon runner and clearly he was unable to read my personality in the time we spent together.

I'll wear the thing.

I'll lug it around on my leg.

But I will not stop running.

And I most certainly will not not run my 26.2.

Poor choice?

Probably.

Choice necessary for mental/emotional stability?

That's the only reason I'm making it.

#STRESStotheMAX

Bundle

GOOD MORNING!!!!! It's 6:25am and I'm up and ready to run. This should come as no surprise to those in my daily life but friends from high school and family might have a more difficult time conceptualizing this.

The road is calling me...

for 20 miles.

With 18 under my shoes from last weekend, I'm not scared about the mileage. The body achieves what the mind believes. I'm more concerned about the cold. Some [uninvited] cold front slammed St. Louis in the face on Friday with low 40-degree temps and pouring rain. Kelsey and I were supposed to do our 20 that afternoon but when we realized that the rain was enjoying being released from the clouds and had no desire to stop, we quite literally called for a raincheck. So now it's Sunday morning and I'm meeting Kelsey in 30 minutes and it's still cold. Say goodbye to the tanktops and booty shorts I've trained in up to this point. I'm trading them in for 1/4 zips and leggings. 

Last night, Kelsey and I did THE GLOW RUN with our friends Eric, Claire, and Beth. Again, it was very very cold--hello under armour turtleneck. It was an excuse to wear neon and glitter and a time for others to appreciate my glow-in-the-dark shoes. Check that off the bucket list. 

Today, I've got friends racing while I'm training. Kelly Trom is kicking 26.2 in Chicago and Caroline Usher and Anna Borys are pulling out 13.1 in St. Charles, MO. Oh, and my financial aid rep is running the half in St. Charles too--we're buddies, we talk about these sorts of things. 

RUN strong.

Loss

There are some things in life you just simply don't ever think you'll lose. And sometimes when you lose things you don't necessarily get them back. It's a bitter pill, that's for sure, especially for someone as hardcore opposed to unexpected change as me.

Well, I've had two of these losses in the past three months and, let me tell you, it's no easier the second time around. Like my father taught me, I'm sitting here with a bag of dark chocolate m&m's (lies it's the bag but its actually trail mix inside and I'm hugely failing at eating it, so you can tell by my writing when I should be eating).

The first time you go through a loss it's really difficult because its new territory. Do you talk about it or keep it to yourself? How sad are you allowed to be before seeming pathetic? When can you begin to move on? These are all legitimate questions with no specific answer. That's why they call them learning experiences. 

Still, every loss is different so even if you did learn from the time before, the second (or third or fourth or however many) time won't play by the same rules. That's what I'm finding out today. 

I'm learning life is pretty much a guessing game--and this is just another proof of that hypothesis of mine. 

So, anyway, that's the insight I've drawn from losing yet another toenail to marathon training. 

(viewer discretion is advised)

Random interjection: I just threw my apple core across the room and IT LANDED IN THE TRASH CAN like it is supposed to GO ME

When a person runs, their toes hit the top of their shoe with each step. Such repeated trauma often results in blisters on the toes and under the toenails. I popped one under my second left toenail last night and in the process, the toenail just plum fell off. If a toenail has a root, the root came off too so it looks like I may not be getting that toenail back in this lifetime. Loss but not quite as tragic as I may have made it out to seem. 

Until next time, shalom.

Roadblock #1

This isn't good.

My alarm went off this morning at 7 a.m. (despite it being my day off because of the holiday) and I wanted to stay in bed. Still, I got out of bed and began my morning like I always do--with a trip to the bathroom--but as soon as I took my first step, I felt foggy and lightheaded. I began mentally going through a checklist of possible reasons why I was feeling this way:
dehydrated?
not enough sleep?
weird food last night?
body tired from yesterday's activities?
No, none of that felt like it was right. I don't know what it could be other than my sleeping medication hitting me extra hard and not wanting to work its way out of my system in a timely manner.

Needless to say, I was not about to tie on my trainers [does that make me sound British? I'll post some time about how I very seriously wish I was British, perhaps.] and scoot through the city feeling unstable. Instead, I practiced some awesome self-care--made gluten-free, dairy-free banana pancakes [GF bisquick mixing in soy-milk and applesauce and 1/4 c. pureed banana and topped with 1/2 tsp peanut butter and banana slices] and indulged in watching some Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.

But, what now? I'm still feeling foggy and as it gets later in the day, it gets hotter, and therefore, more dangerous to go running. The high is 103 today and I am most certainly not putting my body through that torture...but I'm not ready to abdicate control of my training and get off track. I've got 5 miles to run today and I don't care if I can't get out there until 8 p.m. I'm going running today. Now, I'm a little more motivated. Perhaps all I needed was a little pep-talk and a source of accountability (yall knowing this is my plan for today and me promising not only myself but also you that I will do it.)

Not giving in to this roadblock.

Not getting off track.

Not yet.

I pinky promise. 

I'll let you know what happens.

Join me on another journey

SAVANNAH, GA

Whoot. Whoot.

"for what?" you ask.

26.2 miles

Yep! That's right. I'm running my first marathon...in Savannah, GA..in exactly 4 months. My friend Nathan kinda talked me into it and I kinda let him a few weeks ago. We signed up on June 6th--national running day--and booked our hotel last week and began training on Sunday.

I'm scared shitless but so so so excited. I LOVED training for the Go! St. Louis half marathon I ran in April and all my running didn't stop after the race. Running connects me to my existance in a way I've never really felt before. I'm breathing and sweating and pounding and squinting and telling myself "don't stop. just [insert distance here] more." 

I remember watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants way back when and at the end of the scene where Bridget and the hott soccer coach race on the beach, he says "ahh, there's nothing like a good run" and she replies, "yeah, it's like you're running and all the bad stuff in the world can't catch you if you just keep going." I didn't understand how that made any sense because you always have to stop sometime and so all your running [if you're doing it for Bridget's reasons] was pointless. Well, I get it now. Even when you stop, you're on a high and you know you can always start up again. When I run, I win. I am strong and centered and in touch with myself and my world. 

I've got 4 months of that greatness up ahead all in preperation for a solid 26.2 miles of glory. 

You'll be hearing a lot about it, I'm sure. :)