Week 2: The First Law of Motion

Two weeks without checking myself out in the mirror and, guess what, I'm not going crazy, not at all. It was tough for the first week when I wanted to put on eyeliner and check to make sure my unlatching clothes weren't too out of control. And then my racing heart calmed as I realized nothing bad had happened in the past week because I hadn't meticulously put on my eyeliner and mascara or spent 20 minutes changing into different workout tanks and shorts because the first outfit "didn't fall quite right today." Nothing bad had happened. No one had treated me any differently....

No one treated me any differently. That includes me. I didn't treat myself any differently. Even though I wasn't spending the time looking in the mirror, I was still experiencing the self-criticism I do regularly. Just instead of statements, the criticism took the form of questions, questions that I couldn't answer without looking in the mirror--do these shorts make my legs look fat? how sunburnt is my nose? is my sunglasses tan still obvious? is my hair cooperating today?--there's only so much your sense of touch can alert you about. The rest...its up to the gods (for the rest of the month, at least). 

Well, that's dumb. 

The whole point of this exercise is to change the way I treat myself! So, what am I doing wrong??!

Newton's first law of motion states the following:
an object in a form of uniform motion will stay in motion unless acted on by an external force.

Ah, ha! The "object" whose motion I'm aiming to alter is not vanity in the form of self-absorbed mirror staring, it's the self-criticism, the need to constantly check and recheck that I appear the right way whatever the heck that is. In fact, the mirror has less to do with making this change than I had originally thought. It starts from within. I must summon the courage and compassion to be completely as I am--no excuses, no apologies, no wishing it were different. It's not going to just happen. I have to do something, to make a choice, to try something different.  Sure, not looking in a mirror for a month is trying something different, but not if the work stops there. Growing and using courage and compassion isn't a mathematical formula or a law of physics, it's heart work.

Newton's third law of motion states the following:

for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. 

Beautiful. Possible. The trick is to figure out how to set this "equal and opposite reaction" in motion. 

If self-criticism exists intensely, self-compassion and self-acceptance also exist profoundly. Therefore work here requires me to uncover the compassion and acceptance that already exist, not go hunting for it in foreign territories. 

As always, easier said than done. 

As always, its a practice. 

I breathe out criticism.

I breathe in compassion.

I breathe out criticism.

I breathe in acceptance.
And my heart is full.

Be the STRONGEST You You Can Be

A few weeks ago, my best friend sent me an article about J.Crew adding the '000' size to their inventory, and asked for my thoughts. I didn't know what to say...however, now I have some thoughts...

___________________________

Initially, my reaction spun with horror and outrage. Then, I read the article in which J. Crew reps were quoted saying the sizing was aimed at meeting the needs of smaller framed women in the Asian countries and, for a moment, I bought into this justification. Honestly, though it's an entire truckload of horse poop. It's not that simple, it's never that simple. 

In a world riddled by female body-hatred (yes, men suffer too, I know, but that's not on my mind at the moment), the last thing we need is for skinny to get even skinnier. The average height and weight of women varies around the world, but in the United States in 2010 the average adult female has a height of 63.8 inches--approximately 5'4"--waist size of 32 and weighed 166.2 pounds, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This average woman would be considered overweight by the ever-so-popular BMI calculator which I scorn. This is the average woman--meaning there are many heavier, taller, bigger as well as lighter, shorter, and smaller. Also be aware that average does not equate with ideal or healthy.

However, the triple-zero fits a woman with a 23-inch waist. For adult women, however, “it is incredibly rare to have that waist size naturally,” said Jackie Grandy, outreach and education coordinator from the Toronto-based National Eating Disorder Information Centre. Think about this: a little girls' size 8 fits a 23-inch waist. The girl who wears a size 8 is typically less than 75 pounds. Do you still want to try to tell me an adult woman can be healthy at that size? Sure, you can say that a woman who is considerably shorter than average could be healthy at this size--but if they were short enough for that to be the case, J. Crew's clothing would still not fit since it is cut only for the average sized (or Tall) woman. So, there.

Even more concerning than the glaring lack of logic behind J. Crew’s recent decision is the message shouted into the ears of every woman. When companies begin making sizes smaller, some women understand this to say they must become smaller, that the ideal size, the "beautiful" size is smaller. Ladies, we are shrinking! Zero is not a size. If you’ve ever taken a math class, you know that zero equals nothing. For women vulnerable to preoccupation with weight loss and body size, zero is absence…a way of disappearing. Women have fought for the more than 100 years to be seen and heard. How is it that now, as we are now beginning to find a seat at the table, we simultaneously seek to shrink, to disappear? I could write a book on the phenomenon here. 

For some time now, I’ve wondered what it would be like if numerical sizes were replaced with words like “classy,” or maybe “creative,” or even “strong.”

I can’t stand by and let more and more generations become riddled by the body-image catastrophe infused in current culture. J. Crew birthed a solid third of my wardrobe but that store will never swipe my credit card again.

Friends, both men and ladies alike, let's be strong, courageously independent, fiercely compassionate, and confident. Never sell yourself short. Never let a clothing store or a celebrity or an advertisement or even your friend tell you your hips are too wide or your butt is too big or your boobs are too small or that you weigh too much. Be the strongest you that you can be. 

Now You See Me...Now You Don't

When I brush my teeth before bed tonight, 

I will be looking in the mirror for the last time for a month. 

I'm beginning a month without mirrors.

completely

It's not because I'm so vain that I need to take a break from loving myself. It's not that I'm so full of self-hate that I need space from my ugliness. Some of both, sure, but it's way bigger than that. 

People fast from food and technology and bad habits and all sorts of things as a way to cleanse themselves physically and spiritually. This month without mirrors (I'm hoping) will serve the same sort of purpose. When I look in the mirror, yes, I see myself. More often than not, however, that image staring back at me seems distant, imperfect, and wrong because I'm busy comparing what I see to what I think I "should" see...who I "should" be. And I'm sick of it. 

Brene Brown says, "COMPARISON is the THIEF OF JOY."

I don't know what it's going to be like. I don't know what to expect--other than that it will be challenging. I don't know how it will affect me. I don't know if I'm ready to do this. The way to figure it all out, though, is to try. 

Ready? Go!

I'll keep you updated each week!

I need a Dr. Seuss for body-image

The world was given a gift with Dr. Seuss sharing the brilliance of:

Dr. Seuss wrote these words and changed how many people approach their real courage. They are able to grasp life in an embrace of freedom. 

However, it's killing me that the sentence ends there. I want Dr. Seuss to enlighten all the ways I sense myself and my world. 

Because of the secret-code-of-femininity into which I was born because of the pairing of my chromosomes, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to actually wonder about this out loud. Here's the thing, though, I've been wondering about it silently, internally for months now and am just stirring with curiosity about other's thoughts.

I can't keep it in any longer or I'll burst!

The thought comes in the inquisitive form: what would it be like if each of us could actually be 114% content looking however we look without slaving over constant "adjustments" or "improvements"? Specifically, what would life be like if each of us could simply be the weight our bodies want to be at any given time?

This would be a life without worrying about calories  or exercise as a means of 'transformation' or the number printed on your clothes tag or BMI's. I'm not advocating for obesity to take over the world in some binge-eating free-for-all, but, rather, for a culture in which size truly doesn't matter.

Sadly, I don't think this is possible any time soon. I can't imagine how we would function, how we would compare each other. I'm sure some of you may be thinking "You're too self-conscious. I'm totally fine being the size I am and don't feel like I need to change it." Okay, great, I'm really happy for you. My question, however, runs deeper--would you feel the same way if you were, say, four clothing sizes larger? My guess is no. And the root of my question is, why not?

Your Body is NOT Your Masterpiece

Wow.

This just happened.

I just finished pitter-pattering away on my keyboard in the dark of my living room (don't worry, it's not depressing--Grey's Anatomy is keeping me company)...and I came across something I needed. This is something that did not just speak to my soul but wrapped its motherly arms around me and whispered in my ear "it's alright, you can rest. You're okay."

And so tomorrow you can see what I was going to say today. However, today, I share:

YOUR BODY IS NOT YOUR MASTERPIECE

Jul 06 2014

Your body is not your masterpiece – your life is.

It is suggested to us a million times a day that our BODIES are PROJECTS. They aren’t. Our lives are. Our spirituality is. Our relationships are. Our work is.

Stop spending all day obsessing, cursing, perfecting your body like it’s all you’ve got to offer the world. Your body is not your art, it’s your paintbrush. Whether your paintbrush is a tall paintbrush or a thin paintbrush or a stocky paintbrush or a scratched up paintbrush is completely irrelevant. What is relevant is that YOU HAVE A PAINTBRUSH which can be used to transfer your insides onto the canvas of your life- where others can see it and be inspired and comforted by it.

Your body is not your offering. It’s just a really amazing instrument which you can use to create your offering each day. Don’t curse your paintbrush. Don’t sit in a corner wishing you had a different paintbrush. You’re wasting time. You’ve got the one you got. Be grateful, because without it you’d have nothing with which to paint your life’s work. Your life’s work is the love you give and receive- and your body is the instrument you use to accept and offer love on your soul’s behalf. It’s a system.

We are encouraged to obsess over our instrument’s SHAPE  - but our body’s shape has no effect on it’s ability to accept and offer love for us. Just none.  Maybe we continue to obsess because  as long we keep wringing our hands about our paintbrush shape, we don’t have to get to work painting our lives. Stop fretting. The truth is that all paintbrush shapes work just fine -and anybody who tells you different is trying to sell you something. Don’t buy. Just paint.

No wait- first, stop what you are doing and say THANK YOU to your body – right now. Say THANK YOU to your eyes for taking in the beauty of sunsets and storms and children blowing out birthday candles and say THANK YOU to your hands for writing love letters and opening doors and stirring soup and waving to strangers and say THANK YOU to your legs for walking you from danger to safety and climbing so many mountains for you.

Then pick  up your instrument and start painting this day beautiful and bold and wild and free and YOU.

Love,

G

-from Momastery.com/blog