Oh death, where is your sting?

Fresh cut grass...

analogous with...

asthma attacks...

cough, cough, wheeze

analogous with...

hospitals.

Matthew 6:25-34, specifically 34: 

"Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."

I have asthma. The kind of asthma that messes with my life more than any other kind of asthma. My asthma is mean-spirited and angry. I swear.

I have asthma. I have exercise induced asthma. I have allergy induced asthma. (note to readers: I'm allergic to just about everything green.)

"Nature, it's all over me, get it off"

I LOVE this time of year. Sunshine and green grass and blooming flowers and light night rain storms all bring my heart to smile. Not that coy smirk you're thinking of but a big, eyes squinting, teeth showing, almost cheesy type of smile. 

And I HATE this time of year. I don't know what you know about asthma or allergies or allergy induced asthma but I know, from personal experience, that all of the above STINK...hardcore...like spoiled egg being splattered on your favorite shirt. This is the best time of year to run outside, it's not too hot and it is sunny for the majority of the day. But this is also the time of year that the grass gets cut for the first few times of the season and so diffuse unheard of amounts of allergens into the air. These allergens are breathed into my lungs and cause them to shut down. 

I want to try to explain to you how I felt when I woke up this morning to the sound of lawn mowers outside my window and the scent of that fresh cut grass floating past my nose. 

depression.

total unadulterated crestfallenness.

disappointment.

why can't I be normal?

wth?

seriously? seriously! seriously.

where's my inhaler? 

ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

okay, I'm gonna go back to bed now.

well, today is gonna suck.

I kid you not. These are the things that ran through my mind at 7am. If the grass had not been cut this morning, I would have spent all afternoon outside. Kelsey and I would have had discipleship by the Dolphin pond. I would have revised my paper and written the intro to my gospel and read the letter to the bishops with my feet in the waterfall by the clocktower. 

But no.

The grass was cut today.

And if I had had discipleship by the Dolphin pond or revised my paper and written the intro to my gospel and read the letter to the bishops with my feet in the waterfall by the clocktower I could have died. Quite literally.

But guess what. I don't have control over every place I am on a daily basis...well, I guess I kind of do but only kind of. Dr. Miller decided that today would be another wonderful day to have class outside. 

(Poor choice. Do I say something? Do I risk my health? Do I just leave class? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....this was not in the plan!) This was the fifth time we've had class outside this semester so I suppose I should not have been all that surprised, but I was nonetheless quite perturbed. False. I was FREAKING OUT! Don't get me wrong! I LOVE LOVE LOVE having class outside. In fact, I was the one who pressured Dr. Miller the very first time back in February to take us outside. But I wasn't in danger of not being able to breathe back then. Any other day and it would have been fine. But not today. 

I sat there for 50 minutes focusing on the in and out motion of my chest, listening to what sounds my breath made as it moved past my lips, remaining alert to the pressure in my lungs. I didn't learn anything in that class. I tried my best to look like I was paying attention but I really wasn't. I was simply focused on getting through those 50 minutes so I could run back inside and wash all the nature off of me so I could breathe like a normal person for the rest of the day. I did not want to have the special bonding experience of having my professor call an ambulance for me. Not okay. I've already had my boss and a campus minister and my discipler call 911, and I wasn't about to let Dr. Miller join that list of awkwardness.

Clearly I am still alive. My inhaler and I were good friends during those 50 minutes and for the rest of the day as my lungs recovered from the assault during class.

i'm just sayin' that sometimes the grass being greener on the other side isn't necessarily a good thing.