Good

Yesterday was good.

I'm going to get a little theoretical philosophical for a minute, so please, bear with me. How does one define  'good'? As unoriginal as it sounds, I looked up the word in the dictionary and was absolutely stunned! There were over one hundred different definitions. 'Good' may honestly be the most complex four-letter word in the English language. Still, as I read through the attempts to define this word, this feeling, this thing I realized that there was no single way to define 'good; that is totally complete in itself.

This being said, the word good may be so complex that it has become utterly non-descriptive. I said yesterday was good but you have absolutely no idea what I mean...unless we already talked about my day...but that's cheating. When someone responds to the question 'how are you?' by saying 'good,' they might as well have not responded at all. The word good has so many meanings that it has become virtually meaningless.

Okay, I'm done with my etymological rant.

Here's the deal, 'good' might be the most unhelpful explanation or definition for something or someone but sometimes it is the only word that fits. Okay isn't positive enough. Great is too positive. What's in between? ...good.

Yesterday was good. Yesterday my alarm clock went off at 5:27 a.m. and I left for work at 5:46. Yesterday I knew all the answers to the questions on my Bible and Literature quiz for the first time all semester. Yesterday I got a piece of mail that I had been waiting for all week. Yesterday I ate lunch with my friend Anna for the first time in a long time. Yesterday my friend Emiley came to class with me...she's on spring break. Then, after class yesterday, Emiley and I got coffee and talked for 2 hours then went shopping.

Back up. Emiley and I talked for 2 hours. We sat in this coffee shop and talked and talked and talked for over 120 minutes. I suppose this doesn't seem all that out of the ordinary for two college-age women, but, oh, I promise you, it is something. First of all, the simple fact that I had 2 consecutive hours to sit down and talk is absolutely mind blowing. I wish there was a way I could publish a picture of my google calendar here for yall to understand what I mean. It's not necessarily a good thing but I am always busy. This, right now, is the first time I have had alone-time all week...other than when I am asleep. I go to class, and to work, and to practice, and to meetings, and to small group, and to mass, and to more practice, and to more work, and to bed...then repeat. Second, yall may not know the Emiley I was sitting with but you probably know this Emily (at least enough to know I'm probably wearing some yellow article of clothing while writing this). And if you know me at all or have creeped my blog at all, you have probably come to understand that I don't really like talking. I like writing. I like texting (a technological form of talking while writing but still not talking). I don't do small talk and there are only certain times when getting deep is something I'm willing to do. Third, I had been up since 5:27 and had been going going going all day. Work, run, class, class, pick up mail, lunch, homework, class...talk?? I guess.

So, you see now that I enjoyed this chat time but wasn't really expecting it to go so well.

Here's the kicker. Emiley has this look that can get me to tell her things. She's given me this look so many times that she doesn't have to even be looking at me for know that she's got the look. She could be in her own dorm room texting me and I'd know she's got the look. Yesterday the look came out. It came in tandem with the words "tell me something you don't want me to know." I don't know what you think about that request but I seriously thought she was kidding. Tell her something I don't want her to know??? Heck no! If I don't want her to know, I'm most certainly not going to tell her. Telling her would totally defeat me not wanting her to know. But she had the look. Unfortunately, there were a few things that floated through my mind at that time, a few things I didn't want her to know, that I had no intention of ever telling her. And those were precisely the things she wanted me to tell her. I told her one of them and she had me explain and it was AWKWARD. More awkward than the word awkward is to spell and look at. It was hard.

At first, I felt bad. I felt like she now knew this secret of mine and it wasn't any old secret. It was a secret that I wouldn't mind all that much for other people to know about but for her to know was unthinkable. The impossible is only impossible because we say it is.

Telling Emiley what I didn't want her to know was not something that I wanted to do but I liked it. I know that doesn't make any sense. Do you remember the childhood rhyme: secrets secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone? The truth will set you free. I am no longer held in bondage by that secret. The one person I didn't want to know now knows. The one person I thought would be most hurt by the secret knows. I survived. Emiley survived. Our friendship survived. Freedom lives on!

Last night was good too by the way. I listened to about three hours of convicting audio lessons on change. You can expect a post about that sometime soon.

xoxoxoxoxo Emily