Dear You-Know-Who-You-Are,

Dear you,

Are you aware of how much I appreciate you?

Even when I walk away, you have pursued my heart. Despite the way I have treated you sometimes, you haven't given up on me. It hasn't been long but you have loved me well...and yet I am still afraid.

I know I'm sassy and stubborn and I know I have frustrated you with that many times, but you have never gotten so annoyed with me that you snapped. Thank you. Part of that stubbornness has had me keep you at a distance despite how desperately you want in. It's just a defense mechanism, I bet you already knew that, but it is my way of guarding my heart so I don't end up hurt...again. Sarcasm, sassiness, and stubbornness are simply my ways of saying, "we can be friends but only this much because I don't trust you." I want to trust you. I want to give you a chance to really know me. Me, the real me, not the me I am on paper or the me I pretend to be. I want you to know the me behind the smile, behind the sass, behind the fear.

Right now, I want you to know that I'm going to try. We've talked about it. I have thought about it. I've spent my entire lifetime running. It's time to try, time for surrender.

Recently, I've spent a lot of time looking for fulfillment and coming up empty. I am aware, however, that the one place I will find peace and fulfillment is what I desire and fear the most: love. Help me love. Help me learn to be loved. I need you. You know how much I dislike feeling needy but this is different. I don't know what real love really looks like. I've gotten glimpses of it--in friendships before the hurt, in sunshine, at SpringHill--but, now, I want more than a just a flash.

I'm opening my heart slowly. Please prove me wrong. Please don't hurt me.

Love, me

P.S. I love you.

Yeah when my world is falling apart.
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I, I look at you.

When the waves are flooding the shore, 

and I can't find my way home anymore.

That's when I, I look at you.