Dry but proud

As a swim coach, my swimmers know they have the opportunity to push me in the water (yes, with all my clothes on) when they win a meet. They've put in hours and hours of practice and walked around deck sopping wet for hours that night and they want to let me share in their joy in a very special way. Driving home soaking wet the way I did many times last summer was uncomfortable but I was beaming with pride the entire time because I knew exactly what went into winning that meet that resulted in pushing me in.

I've got a different team this summer--a total 180 from last years 5-year no-loss streak, this team hasn't won in quite some time. Granted, they've had some terrible coaching and less than stellar parental involvement. But things are looking up, we didn't win on Monday but we came darn close. In fact, we were winning for about 3/4 of the meet, then we just got super tired.

Although I drove home completely dry, I drove home happy and even more proud than any week last summer. I had dried tears. I had given dozens of high fives. I had screamed my face off and had shuffled up and down the deck supporting my swimmers. Mary swam 2 legs on a relay and then gotten back behind the block to swim the last leg on the following relay. Megan won 1st in the 100 back right after telling me she wasn't sure she was going to be able to do it and if she did, it would take her 5 minutes. Chase took over some spots for kids that didn't show up. Cindy (one of the moms) gave me a sippy cup of wine. Ashley promised me she'd swim up in two weeks if she could practice longer races at practice. Jackson swam some of the best butterfly I've ever seen from a 10 year-old and, more importantly, he was proud of how he did.

When I was younger, I never understood how people could say "it's not about winning" and really mean it. In my mind, that's all there was. You won or you lost. If you won you did well and if you lost, well, you didn't do enough. Now I see what it is though. I came into this summer season with the goal of transforming the team--morale, competency, responsibility, etc. That can and probably will still happen, but it is not my goal any longer. My goal is simple to say, hard to do: get kids to believe in themselves.

I want the answer to any question about their abilities to always be: YES I CAN.

Is there a group for that?

APA--addictive personalities anonymous.
does this exist?

if not, it probably should...
well, maybe not. It could be a breeding ground of boundary issues and enablement...or it could be a really supportive group of individuals trying their best to hold one another accountable. I suppose there's no way of really knowing.

After finding some stability, yours truly could be the president. I could most definitely be the poster child.

I get a tattoo--then I make that total increase to three in less than six months.
I want to start working out--I run at least 6 miles almost everyday.
I want to run a half marathon--then I sign up fora bunch more races.
I find I like 1/2 zip sweatshirts and running--I buy them in almost every color.
I like greek yogurt--I eat it for breakfast every day.
Introduce me to a great TV show--I hope it's on Netflix so I can watch every episode.
I enjoy my work and coworkers--and they like me since I pick up a bunch of shifts so I'm always there.
I begin doing something weird (like taking 2 hours to eat a carton of yogurt)--and its a habit.

Annoying? sometimes.YES
Problematic? ehh...depends who you ask YES
Addicted? I wouldn't call it that. YES

I don't remember when this came to my attention, but I've known for a few years that I have a ridiculously addictive personality. Basically, introduce me to something I like and I'm addicted within 48 hours. 

There have been multiple instances in the past few weeks in which I've told people if I could live on Panda Puffs alone, I totally would"and I'm so not kidding. Panda Puffs are the BOMB DOT COM. They're basically gluten-free peanut butter kix and I'm loving them. I found them for the first time over Easter break when I was visiting my parents up in Michigan and the rest is history. I really want to see if I can live on Panda Puffs alone for a week--let's plan this this summer.

Fully happy with just half

**I wrote this but forgot to post almost a month ago

Ran a half marathon today.
13.1 miles
Anticipated miles 1-3.
Whined miles 4-9.
Smiled miles 10-13.

after the race

Maureen, Wilson, me, Annie

before the race

me, Maureen, Annie

yes, I have neon green tennis shoes...they have blue glitter shoelaces too 

I've written before about my addictive personality. Well, I'm addicted. I LOVED the training and getting up to have a long Sunday morning run with 15,000 of my closest friends was pretty stinking cool. I especially liked the part where I got 2 bananas at the end. 

Pinkey Swear

After 2 decades of life, I am not convinced that I really need to always act my age. In fact, I believe I act my age by acting however I feel because that's me and, well, that's what you get--take it or leave it. I'm just saying, I think pinkey promises are totally valid ad binding agreements between two persons.

Whenever I have to say 'goodbye' to a good friend for a long while, I make them promise--pinkey promise--that this 'goodbye' isn't goodbye. Sure, I have an abandonment issue. But maybe this promise also makes the light of intentionality flip on. If I promise and if s/he promises then that gives it a greater chance of actually happening, right? I don't know, but here's to hoping.

Before I go and write on my other blog about friend issues, I just want to point out that these pinkey promise moments lead to moments in which friends are sweetly reunited. Hugs with a good friend after far too long apart make the tears at goodbye worth it.

In April, I was BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE with these moments. One of my best friends from working at camp two summers ago got married on April 14th and there was a whole lot of lovin' going on there. At SpringHill we did this really awkward thing at stafff meetings called "SpringHill lovin'" and we would stand up and spend three minutes walking around the auditorium hugging everyone we could. Some hugs meant something because they were from a friend and some were just a little weird coming from someone you had never met, but the point was that we all need a whole lot of lovin' and we are all capable of giving love to one another, it doesn't matter who we know and don't know--not that close relationships aren't important.  So anyway, there were lots of hugs at Susie and Mike's wedding. The three big ones came from Susie, Emily, and Jill--all three I hadn't seen in MONTHS. I didn't get to spend much time with them but the little time we got, the words we shared, and the love we gave will hold us together until the next time we meet.

Two weeks later, the same Emily came to St. Louis for work and stayed with yours truly for a few days. We hadn't seen each other since Christmas 2010 before Susie's wedding and now we got to spend time together twice in one month. AWESOME! We had good talks and good sleeps and good eats and it was like she was a friend who lives just up the street not over a thousand miles away in Boston. It felt totally normal and natural and made me wish it could happen more often.

Until we meet again, I pinkey swear to never forget you.