Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The theory of ENOUGHness

First of all, "enoughness" is a word.
Freshman year, my theology professor told me that all good theologians make up words. Therefore:
By the power vested in me
by the paper in my file designating me, 
Emily Marie Clark,
as a theological studies major,
I hereby declare "enoughness" a word
to be given equal respect and consideration
as all other formerly declared words.

Now that that's cleared up,
not that anyone was questioning the legitimacy of my vocabulary,
let's get down to business.

I wrote the synthesis paper for my independent study this past weekend. Dr. Julie Rubio and I had been reading about and discussing various ethical problem areas of modern American society and asking ourselves how we, as Catholics, are called (or if we are called) to respond? I was not going to be satisfied with vague or flimsy answers. I wanted practical suggestions that were flexible enough to tailor to my life experience but firm enough to stand the test of time and the scrutiny of Catholic morality. 

For the paper, I was to hash all that out in 12-15 pages. 
We read over a dozen books.
We touched on at least five different problem areas (I call them 'isms').
And so my process looked like this:



I didn't have enough time or space to write anything close to what I wanted to write, but I wrote 20 pages anyway. And around page 5, I explained what I've come to recognize as the driving force, the common denominator that connects all these 'isms' (individualism, racism, consumerism, materialism, classism, environmentalism). I call it the theory of enoughness...if you hadn't already guessed that.

Here's what I wrote:
Through the books I have read and other personal experiences I have had as a member of American society, I have observed a struggle within the culture characterized by an inability to sense when enough is enough. I am not the first to acknowledge a societal focus on “having” enough rather than “being” enough but perhaps I may be one of the first to point to a problematic element in the existence of a focus on either form of “enoughness” The shift from “being” to “having” has likely occurred because “being” falls to qualitative rather than quantitative measure which seems subjective and, therefore, inadequate or, at least, unreliable. As a result, Americans tend to lose their sense of Self while yearning for conformity and ‘the next big thing.’ With no sense of Self ‘having” allows people to overly-rely on external gauges to guide their determination of what is enough. The difficulty in measure, however, does not come from the need to be or to have but rather the context of enough. The ‘isms’ represent a dysregulation of the American sense of “enoughness”. Becoming desensitized to and struggling with “enoughness” causes power issues with relationship, food, sex, money, and goods. We see this power issue expressed in the stereotypes, discrimination, and oppression of others and ourselves that results from a disconnected relationship with the sense of enough.

GOT IT?

Here's the skinny:
Americans are on this treadmill of "the more the merrier" and "bigger is better."
The treadmill makes you work hard but never gets you anywhere.
Meaning: you're in a race that doesn't really matter, racing for things you'll never get.
But culture forgets to tell you that.
And so your endorphin high keeps you from knowing when to stop.
So your sense of what is enough dies.
And you end up hurting yourself and others in the process.


So, step 1 to making things different:


Remember it.
Believe it.
Live it.
And tell everyone about it.


Until next time,
may you find peace.
Merry Christmas.





Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Learning to walk

Hi, I'm Emily and I'm addicted to running.

real life.

Yeah, sure, I ran a marathon on a broken foot.

but that's not really what I'm talking about here.

When I mentioned to my mom two years ago that I could graduate a semester early, she shot me down before I had even finished expressing the thought. Her response was:
 "Emily, slow down. 
You've always been in a rush to get through life. 
You need to just let life happen."
At first, I was offended that she wasn't interested in hearing what I had to say but was enforcing her agenda on my life. But she was so right. Since that 'conversation' I've often reflected on what she said and really tried to bring a sense of mindfulness and peace into the way I go through life--simply starting with slowing down. 

Easier said than done.

Just last night, I stood in my doorway getting ready for bed and said 'Can I just skip tomorrow?' as if it was not worth the effort and somehow the following day my life would be dramatically different. what a cop out. 

Be mindful,
pay attention,
live slowly,
just be.

I want to skip past the school related stresses of the next 10 days.
I want to skip the boredom of Christmas break.
I want to skip the waiting period of the grad school application process.
I want to skip the discernment process that comes after I get letters from grad schools.
I want to skip saying goodbye at graduation. 
I want to skip the [anticipated] awkward loneliness of moving to a new place.
Apparently, I want to skip the next 10 months of my life. I have goals and I want to run towards them. I anticipate pain and change and I want to run past it. I'm addicted to running. 

    Above All,
    Trust in the Slow Work of God


    Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
    We are quite naturally impatient in everything
         to reach the end without delay.
    We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
    We are impatient of being on the way
         to something unknown, 
             something new.
    Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
         by passing through some stages of instability
             and that may take a very long time.


    And so I think it is with you.
    Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
    Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
    Do not try to force them on 
         as though you could be today what time
             -- that is to say, grace --
         and circumstances 
            acting on your own good will 
         will make you tomorrow.
    Only God could say what this new Spirit
         gradually forming in you will be.


    Give our Lord the benefit of believing 
         that his hand is leading you,
         and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
             in suspense and incomplete.
    Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
         our loving vine-dresser.

    Amen.









Saturday, November 17, 2012

Fall [pumpkin] Guacamole

The first time I went to the farmer's market this summer, I came back having bought lots of wonderful goodies, among which were 5 avocados purchased for a whopping $1 total. Woah, baby, was I excited! I came home and immediately smashed those babies up into some super scrumptious guacamole and Annie and Claire and I proceeded to sit on the couch with a bag of corn chips and eat it all. Yummmmmmm doesn't even begin to cover it.

Avocado is a summer-linked obsession. Pumpkin is my autumn/winter obsession. You can totally eat avocado all year round but I can only tolerate a certain number of obsessions at a time, so the avocado situation dies down for a few months while I consume pumpkin puree as one of my main food groups itself.

With little to no avocado, I end up with little to no guacamole which leaves me one dip short of a full life. Dips, as Marissa and I simultaneously confessed earlier this week, are the shit so I needed to come up with some mixture to temporarily replace guacamole's role in my life. This realization led me to the concoction of fall [pumpkin] guacamole:


1 part peanut butter 
to 2 parts pumpkin puree 
mixed with enough 
oats and raisins
to build a chunky but 
still smooth consistency
and pumpkin spice to your taste

used as dip for apples and celery
used as spread on rice cakes
and it's really good by the spoonful too :)


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Rock N' Roll Savannah marathon

I ROCKED IT.
Hott damn, yes I did.
26.2 miles on a broken foot
3 hours 54 minutes
16 minutes before the time I anticipated
before I hurt my foot

I was nervous, there is no doubt about that...
  • how will bathroom breaks affect my time?
  • when will my foot start hurting?
  • what will happen if I can't finish?
  • oh, gosh, 26.2 miles is farrrrrr
These thoughts (and others) invaded my mind all week but became oh, so, real as Nate and I stood in my corral at the start line. It was finally happening. The day I had been waiting for, training for was finally here and I had the choice to rock it or roll under the pressure. 


There is nothing like it. I started hurting bad around mile 17 and crying around mile 19 but crossed the finish line with a smile on my face. I held that smile just long enough for the photographer above to snap a picture, but then I started sobbing. Nate intercepted me and I sobbed. I was hurting so incredibly bad. My foot, my knees, and my quads all screamed at me. 


I do not regret my choice to run, 
not one bit.

moral of the story: don't tell me what I can't do.