Learning to walk

Hi, I'm Emily and I'm addicted to running.

real life.

Yeah, sure, I ran a marathon on a broken foot.

but that's not really what I'm talking about here.

When I mentioned to my mom two years ago that I could graduate a semester early, she shot me down before I had even finished expressing the thought. Her response was:

 "Emily, slow down. 

You've always been in a rush to get through life. 

You need to just let life happen."

At first, I was offended that she wasn't interested in hearing what I had to say but was enforcing her agenda on my life. But she was so right. Since that 'conversation' I've often reflected on what she said and really tried to bring a sense of mindfulness and peace into the way I go through life--simply starting with slowing down. 

Easier said than done.

Just last night, I stood in my doorway getting ready for bed and said 'Can I just skip tomorrow?' as if it was not worth the effort and somehow the following day my life would be dramatically different. what a cop out. 

Be mindful,

pay attention,

live slowly,

just be.

I want to skip past the school related stresses of the next 10 days.

I want to skip the boredom of Christmas break.

I want to skip the waiting period of the grad school application process.

I want to skip the discernment process that comes after I get letters from grad schools.

I want to skip saying goodbye at graduation. 

I want to skip the [anticipated] awkward loneliness of moving to a new place.

Apparently, I want to skip the next 10 months of my life. I have goals and I want to run towards them. I anticipate pain and change and I want to run past it. I'm addicted to running. 

Above All,
Trust in the Slow Work of God



Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
     to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way
     to something unknown, 
         something new.
Yet it is the law of all progress that is made
     by passing through some stages of instability
         and that may take a very long time.



And so I think it is with you.
Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow.
Let them shape themselves without undue haste.
Do not try to force them on 
     as though you could be today what time
         -- that is to say, grace --
     and circumstances 
        acting on your own good will 
     will make you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new Spirit
     gradually forming in you will be.



Give our Lord the benefit of believing 
     that his hand is leading you,
     and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
         in suspense and incomplete.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God,
     our loving vine-dresser.


Amen.

Fall [pumpkin] Guacamole

The first time I went to the farmer's market this summer, I came back having bought lots of wonderful goodies, among which were 5 avocados purchased for a whopping $1 total. Woah, baby, was I excited! I came home and immediately smashed those babies up into some super scrumptious guacamole and Annie and Claire and I proceeded to sit on the couch with a bag of corn chips and eat it all. Yummmmmmm doesn't even begin to cover it.

Avocado is a summer-linked obsession. Pumpkin is my autumn/winter obsession. You can totally eat avocado all year round but I can only tolerate a certain number of obsessions at a time, so the avocado situation dies down for a few months while I consume pumpkin puree as one of my main food groups itself.

With little to no avocado, I end up with little to no guacamole which leaves me one dip short of a full life. Dips, as Marissa and I simultaneously confessed earlier this week, are the shit so I needed to come up with some mixture to temporarily replace guacamole's role in my life. This realization led me to the concoction of fall [pumpkin] guacamole:

1 part peanut butter 

to 2 parts pumpkin puree 

mixed with enough 

oats and raisins

to build a chunky but 

still smooth consistency

and pumpkin spice to your taste

used as dip for apples and celery

used as spread on rice cakes

and it's really good by the spoonful too :)

Rock N' Roll Savannah marathon

I ROCKED IT.

Hott damn, yes I did.

26.2 miles on a broken foot

3 hours 54 minutes

16 minutes before the time I anticipated

before I hurt my foot

I was nervous, there is no doubt about that...

• how will bathroom breaks affect my time?
• when will my foot start hurting?
• what will happen if I can't finish?
• oh, gosh, 26.2 miles is farrrrrr

These thoughts (and others) invaded my mind all week but became oh, so, real as Nate and I stood in my corral at the start line. It was finally happening. The day I had been waiting for, training for was finally here and I had the choice to rock it or roll under the pressure. 

There is nothing like it. I started hurting bad around mile 17 and crying around mile 19 but crossed the finish line with a smile on my face. I held that smile just long enough for the photographer above to snap a picture, but then I started sobbing. Nate intercepted me and I sobbed. I was hurting so incredibly bad. My foot, my knees, and my quads all screamed at me. 

I do not regret my choice to run, 

not one bit.

moral of the story: don't tell me what I can't do.

the 3 D's

Back when I swam for Shannon Dunworth, he sat the team down for a "come to Jesus" meeting of sorts regarding our goals and motivation. What he said centered around what he called the 3 D's of success:

DedicationDetermination
Desire

These three have similar cores that give them a similar purpose. Dedication, Determination, and Desire propel you to dig real deep when you are stressed or tested or just plain tired. Some people see it as stubbornness or inflexibility or pride--and, granted, sometimes it is--but mostly there is a force from deep inside you pulling you toward something.

One who is dedicated knows knows every day is not her best day but that every single day counts. The dedicated student does not procrastinate or cheat or do just enough to slip under the radar. The dedicated athlete does not spend her time distracted or wishing her body felt more able or making excuses. Those who are dedicated are consistent and reliable. Each night, it is their fortitude that is rejuvenated through rest.

One who is determined sets goals with the intention of meeting them. This determined individual knows herself well enough to know her capabilities. Her goal is one step beyond the point at which she knows she will want to give up. Her dedication to herself and her goal keeps her from sitting on the sidelines in fear. Determination holds a person to a higher standard or excellence, not perfection, but excellence. This excellence results from knowing one's capabilities and never settling, for a determined individual knows that "to settle for less than your best is to willingly surrender a part of yourself that could have been."

One who has desire knows nothing of complacency. Desire fuels the drive for greatness. For it is "only those who dare to fail greatly [who] can ever hope to achieve greatly."

In January 2012, I tied on my shoes the same way I've tied them for years but I had a different reason this time. I wanted to see if my body was capable. I was not going to push myself beyond what my body was capable of but I was willing to push myself beyond what my body was comfortable with. I didn't sign up until March 1st because I needed time to listen to my body. I thought I could do it, I listened to my body, and I did it. On April 16, 2012, I completed my first half marathon.

On June 6th, I sat on the couch wondering if I could do more. Still unsure, I decided to, again, listen to my body. I thought I could do it, so I would try. On June 6th, I signed up for the Rock N' Roll Savannah half-marathon which would take place on November 3rd. I had every intention of running a full marathon but I wasn't sure if I was capable. My plan was to start out training for the full but not put my money on it (literally) until I was sure. After a solo 12-miler after 6 hours of work that began at 6am, I was sure and so I did the upgrade. The marathon is in 2 1/2 days and I am struggling to hold on to that certainty. I've trained with all 3 D's but I'm still wondering if that's enough. I was dedicated--I ran when I was tired and when it was too cold and too hot. I was determined--I started the long runs with Kelsey with a plan (finish) and a go-get-em attitude. And I had desire--even after being put in a stability boot with a stress fracture 2 1/2 weeks ago, I've continued to run because I want this. I want this for me. I am proud of myself and I want to finish the job. But I'm scared. 

"I'll be there to help 

whatever is left of you 

at the finish line. 

Either way, 

you're going to cross that finish line, 

even if it's on my back" --Nathan Blair 

people say running is an individual sport. Clearly, those people aren't runners.